As we move toward a new year, most people focus on what they want to start.
New goals. New priorities. New habits.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth:
You can’t begin strong if you refuse to end what’s in the way.
And most of us don’t struggle with endings because they’re difficult.
We struggle because, on some level… every pattern has a payoff — even the ones we swear we want to be done with.
We don’t hold on because we’re weak.
We hold on because the pattern — no matter how frustrating or draining — is protecting us from something we haven’t named yet.
Until we name that hidden protection, the ending won’t stick.
Let’s dive in.
The Secondary Gain: The Secret Reason We Stay Stuck
Your nervous system would rather stay in a painful pattern than step into an uncertain future.
Pain feels familiar.
Uncertainty feels dangerous.
So ask yourself:
“What does staying the same protect me from facing?”
You might uncover something surprising:
- Staying overwhelmed protects you from choosing a direction.
- Staying anxious protects you from feeling grief.
- Staying distracted protects you from hearing the deeper questions.
- Staying in “maybe someday” protects you from the fear of rising.
This isn’t self-sabotage.
This is biology.
Your brain is trying to keep you safe — even if “safe” is quietly sabotaging your potential.
And organizations behave the same way:
- Clinging to outdated processes
- Keeping pointless meetings
- Holding onto stale goals or old identities
Not because they work — but because letting go feels risky.
This is why intentional endings matter.
This is why this season is the perfect time to make one.
Choose Your Ending
Pick one pattern you keep saying you want to end… but haven’t.
Then ask two catalytic questions:
- “What does staying in this pattern allow me to avoid?”
- “What ending would set me free?”
Once you name the hidden payoff, everything shifts:
Your grip loosens.
Your courage rises.
The ending becomes possible.
Because the real fear isn’t the ending itself — the real fear is what letting go will require of you.
And that requirement?
That’s your next evolution.
Write the hidden payoff.
Name the ending you’re choosing.
Declare it.
Own it.
Cut the cord.
Leaders:
Ask your teams these same questions.
This is the season to clear space, not add more noise.
Action Creates Momentum
Right now — in this moment — choose one small aligned action:
- Send the email.
- Clean the drawer.
- Cancel the energy-draining commitment.
- Do the thing your future self will thank you for.
Momentum doesn’t begin with a plan.
Momentum begins with a moment.
A moment you choose.
One ending at a time.
One breath at a time.
One courageous step at a time.
Up we go.